Coping
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- Jennifer Radley
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Patient and Caregiver Diaries
Patient Diary -- Jennifer Radley
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Entry 1
Well, some good news today- I checked my mail yesterday and was happily surprised to find a letter form one of two of the senators I wrote to help me with my SSD reconsideration and appeal. So, now I have backing from both- I am very excited and scared at the same time.
My appointment with my new specialist in Jan 3 and 7- I have an exercise test, and echo then an appointment- I have never wanted a RHC so bad in my life, lol- but the numbers is what i need to win my appeal.
Im still really tired- depressed and having anxiety. My kids are both off because of winter break and they are fighting like cats and dogs making me crazy. I had to take my youngest to the Emergency room yesterday cause they were fighting and he hit the wall with his face and had a bloody nose that wouldnt stop and has a hairline fracture in his nose. UGH! Ok, enough for today.
I am getting beyond the point of irritated with my five year old son- he just wont listen to anything or anyone! I signed up for some parenting classes held on Saturdays in January- I need any help I can get at this point to figure out ways to better deal with his behaviors- cause what we are doing now just aint working. He will also been in a separate class for skills. I hope something turns around- he used to be such a sweet heart and now he talks back, wont listen and says rude things to me and his dad- so, counseling and parenting classes. Or, me in the grave from stress-
I'm so ready for the holidays to be over, people act like jerks- cant even go to the store to buy milk without dealing with the lovely joys of peoples greed and attitudes gone wacko.
I remember a time when Christmas was special- but not anymore. Its about consumption.
I went through my closet and found the cloths I cant fit my fat rear end into anymore since my last blast of sudden weight gain- I have lots of nice business attire from when I worked- so I donated that to the Salvation Army, and I have a couple nice warm coats, I am thinking of taking those down the bridge by the river- there are people that kinda live there and maybe there are some ladies or kids that need to keep warm. I would rather give things away to the needy instead of a charity organization some times- cause not everyone had the money to buy the cloths even if they are not too pricey.
I cannot wait to have my appointment in Portland- a new specialist. I'm so ready to get new tests done so I can send out the results to the SSD offices and get this ball rolling.
Christmas Eve is finally here- well not exactly finally- this year has been going by quit fast actually. Im just ready for the kids to stop foaming at the mouth.
As each day passes, I come closer and closer to my appointment. I swear, I dont think Ive ever wanted a RHC so bad before in my life- I just hope they schedule one for me soon so I can get the results and send them to the SSD office.
We have had a blessed holiday- we were able to pull it off for the kids- we didnt think we could do it- but with some sacrifice, some selling on Ebay and pinching every penny- we did it just in time- whew!
This is my first holiday away from my parents- well, not being in the same state as them- and its wierd, and sad- I can hear it in my fathers voice. But, they will visit soon, and so will we- once we get on our feet and are able to travel. Im planning on going out there for like a 2 week visit with the kids this summer- the hubby can stay behind and enjoy some solitude- he needs it.
Well, it's Christmas! Im so happy the kids are happy- whew!
Thank God for Grandparents!
We have a good dinner cooking, and we are warm- so I feel very blessed.
I guess thats all for now- :)
One holiday down, one more to go- I dont want to sound like a scrooge- but this whole process is very long and draining- and Im glad its almost over.
Ive been doing some research- and it would be soooo nice to live in Mexico- there are so many beautiful places and the cost of living there is like a dream-
I have some friends back in New Mexico where I used to live, and their parents moved down there, kinda close to the Arizona border but right on the coast and they live on their Social Security checks- and live a very good life- thats something you cant do here.
Well- im a dreamer.
I have my first session with a counselor tomorrow- well first in Oregon anyhow.
I hope they will assist me with new medications for my anxiety and panic attacks-
I really want to go see the movie "White Noise" the trailer and web site are awesome. I have always been interested in E.V.P- there is a really cool web site too where you can listen to recorded E.V.P's.
http://ghostpix.com/
I love thrillers- I love movies that focus more on mind twisting then gore- not into the gore- it doesn't scare me. Noises and weird ghost stuff does- so I'm super excited to see this film, and I love Michael Keaton. Beetleguise is one of my all time favs, Mr Mom too- oh yea, and Multiplicity- see, he is just great!
I have not been to a movie in sooooo long- like 2 years I think. We are working on getting a baby sitter for my youngest, my older son doesn't need it, and I think they would enjoy the separation. My husband and I need desperately need to go on a date, or dinner, or something-
Well, that's all for now..... I hope tomorrow goes well. ;)
Well, I had my counseling appointment today and a pro time- I swear I have at least 2-3 doctor appointments every week!
Then on Monday, Tuesday, and Friday I have doctors appointments! I get declined for SSD, but- I don't know one employer that would let me have that much time off for appointments!
It was a good session- I feel comfortable with her- and we will get referrals for my medicine- so we need to get that taken care of.
Now, I just need to get my butt in gear and get in the gym and get my weight controlled. When I get in, im motivated- and its easier for me to maintain a healthy weight- I just had sooooo much stress this year that it just come on soo fast it was unreal.
Well, enough for today-
A new year begins- washing away the old like fresh spring rain- giving us another chance to do it right and better. I feel refreshed- as everything in my life is new- and I look forward to making this a fantastic year regardless. I will wake up with a smile, thank God for another day, kiss and hug my family, send cheer to my friends and embrace what is due.
Leaving the old habits behind- allowing time to heal.
Wishing you all a very Happy new beginning.
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